A few weeks ago John David and I were talking about wanting peace in our lives.  And not only having it, but keeping it.  Today, as I was driving home I was praying and said "Jesus, how do you get and keep peace?"  I heard the spirit say, "Strive for it.  If you keep peace with me, I'll keep peace IN you."  That's good!

Yesterday, in class, we were in small groups with individual teachers.  My teacher was describing to us what to expect this next semester, and how our clinical nursing experience should be.  She was explaining how nursing is one of the most trusted professions.  And then she said this, which struck a chord with me later on in the day, she said "Nurses do everything they do with love, even if they don't care for the person or situation, they do what they do with love."  I was in my bed last night, just talking to God, and that came back to my mind, but this time it was "God's people try to do everything they do with love."  That's really sweet, and true.  That is something notable about God's people, no matter where they are, they do what they do with love if they are loving God.  Short, but sweet thought.

This world is so cold.  When things happen to you that seem not right or someone hurts you, it is easy to grow bitter towards that person or towards life in general.  This is something I had to deal with over this summer.  I had been hurt by my family, it was a hurt beyond comprehension for me.  Something that thankfully God knew was too much for me to handle alone, so he put people in my life to help me.  I had grown angry and bitter towards one particular family member.  I could hardly speak to this person without it taking me a lot of time to recover.  I would cry in my closet with a nearly unbearable pain and pray for that person.  That was the only thing I knew to do.  Then one day I was listening to my father-in-law speak of a woman, and how she had some bitterness because she could not believe that everything God had done to her was for some purpose in her life, that God directed all, including the bad.  She could not humble herself and say "God, I am sorry that I was the type of person you had to do this to." 

That night I really began to think and pray about it, but I sort of lost touch with those feelings.  Then one night he was talking about it again.  And it hit me, I needed to humble myself to God and believe that what happened was for some purpose in my life.  I needed to get down on my knees and more or less be thankful and know that whatever God had to put me through was to save me, not damn me.  When I did this, a burden was lifted from me.  It took a little work, but I could get to where I could talk to this family member without a harsh tongue or constantly bringing up the hurt which they caused.  Now, when I finish a conversation with them, I feel more pity for the person, and pray that God will restore the love for Him in their heart.  The person is now bitter and lonely.  Oh God! Help us be humble!

Ecclesiastes 11:5
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Have you ever read something that caused you to go back and remember feelings from the past?  The other night this happened to me.  I was reading something and the feelings this person was having reminded me of some similar feelings I had had.  Some of the thoughts I was having were geared toward my parents, it was sad, and I started to cry. I Sometimes I know I've tried to hide my feelings about the pain my parents have caused me.  As I was crying I heard the spirit say, "As long as you can cry, there is hope."  I stopped and thought about this for a minute and I remembered a story about Uncle Joe's mother.  She had told him once that the feeling to pray for his brother's and sister's was gone from her, but she still felt the need to pray for him.  That showed there was still hope for Uncle Joe!  God had not taken the desire to pray for him out of her heart.  And I felt like that was what the spirit was trying to tell me.  As long as I can pray and cry to Jesus about a person or situation, there is hope.  It was a sweet bit of encouragement for me that night.

Lately, it has been stressed that we need to know why we are here, and know that this way of life is what we want.  Of course, this makes you go through a period where you "check" yourself.  Asking God how you're doing, if anything needs fixing, etc.  Amanda had the best testimony the other week and in it she was saying she had been going through a time like that.  She was wondering if in her heart she was 100% for this way of life.  And she said the spirit reminded her of everything she has gone through in the past year or so and how she gave up something that she'd always wanted, marriage and a family, because the man she was married to didn't want God anymore and was abusive.  But she didn't have to stay loving God.  He was showing her that she did have a heart to do what is right.

Well last week, I was going through the same thing, asking God if I really had a heart for him, and the same thing happened.  I started remembering everything that I have gone through this past year.  I lost my father, brother, and my mother to this world, but I hung in there.  But it was only by the grace of God. And then he blessed me beyond what I could have imagined.  During this past year, I have been scouraged to the bone by God, and I was thinking about that and I was reminded of a conversation with Token a few months back.  I was very sick, and she came to see me.  She was rubbing my head and said "God sure does love you."  I looked at her kind of wondering where that came from, and she reminded me of the scriptures in the bible referring to God chastening those he loves.  And when you think of that, what love it is!  Not that it feels good to be chastened at the time but afterwards, the cleaness and the love in it overrule the rest.  Here are the scriptures that I found referring to the love of God's chastening from such great men as John, Paul, Job, and David (you can tell that they had their share, but loved God for it):

Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: (Job 5:17)

Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O LORD, and teachest him out of thy law; (Psalm 94:12)

The LORD hath chastened me sore: but he hath not given me over unto death. (Psalm 118:18)

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. (Hebrews 12:6)

 
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11)

 
But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world. (1 Corinthians 11:32)

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. (Revelation 3:19)

The other day, I was so excited.  I had lost something to my stethocope, not a big deal, but I really had wished I hadn't lost it.  So I was packing my car up to go see John David in Wilmington and I looked down on the ground and there it was!  Right outside my car doors.  I couldn't believe it.  My first reaction was to thank Jesus, because only He could do something so sweet, that wouldn't really matter much to most people.  So I went about my day, and it was almost time to use my stethoscope so I went to pull the piece out of my pocket, where I was pretty sure I'd put it, it was gone.  I looked in my purse and in my car, but to no avail.  Then I heard, "Would you be thank me even if you don't have it?"  I thought for just a second and said "Yes, I would."  I didn't think a whole lot about the ear piece after that, and then this weekend, I found it in my purse, where I had already looked! :)  I found myself very thankful this weekend, to be home with my family and being with my husband who loves Jesus.  That is no small thing, y'all.  My parents and my brother didn't love Jesus enough to stay, and now bear the awful cost to live in this horrible, sinful world.  But Jesus has been so sweet to me.  He's given me a new family and John David who will take the heat when it gets hot!  Oh, thank you Jesus! :)

The other night in the bible study people were talking about how strangers (sometimes what they felt might have been angels) came and encouraged them at the right time.  During all of this Jesus took my thoughts back to the summer of 2006.  It was one of the hardest,  I hope ever, summers.  At this time my dad had gone, and my mom was just hanging on by a thread.  I finally just couldn't stay at home anymore and asked if I could please come and spend the rest of my summer in NC.  I was out one day with Aunt Song and Ellen grocery shopping and my dad called crying.  I started to cry in the store, so I walked out.  I was just sitting and crying, when a lady walked up to me and asked if I was ok.  I said yes, and she looked at me straight in the eyes and said "remember this is only for a season."  When she said that, it did something for my heart.  I knew that was Jesus letting me know that what I was going through was just for a little while.  He really does hear us.  Thank you, Jesus!

While writing a reply to what Bekah and Jamie were saying to my blog I remembered another part of the long conversation that I had with Amy Meeks.  This is good.  Talking to Amy stirred up so many good thoughts and feelings I didn't even know I was having!  Don't you love when that happens?

I was telling Amy about reading Ephesians the other week, which was really good.  I was standing in my bathroom thinking about how Aunt Lou said staying simple is getting down to the Gospel.  So, my intention was to have this thought..."I'm going to read the Gospel, I think I'll start with Matthew."  BUT instead of saying Matthew my "brain" said Ephesians.  This was really good to me.  The part that stood out to me was Chapter 3 verses 14-19.  It says:

14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
 
15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
 
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; 

17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
 
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
 
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.


And in verse 18 & 19 it talks about comprehending the breadth, length, depth, height and to know the love of Christ which passes all knowledge that you might be filled will the fullness of God.  I was telling Amy that I want to know that.  A lot of times you "know" something, but that is just with your brain.  But there is a time when you need to know things in your heart, not just your mind.  It's almost like you just want to take what you know and feel it in your toes like Brittanie said she wanted to feel the holy Ghost.  I want that with the love of Christ, because if we really know that, we will be filled with all the fullness of God!  And I know that I cannot comprehend with my little human mind what the fullness of God is, but I can be sure it is good!

The other day, when I was in Graham, I needed to go to the grocery store.  I tried to find someone to go with me, but no one seemed interested.  So, I thought, I'll stop by and see if Amy is home maybe she would like to go.  Well, Jesus set that up for both of us.  It was one of those days that the person you end up spending time with has a bucket of blessings of good things to say and encouragement for you.  While we were talking I had a backward thought that Jesus reversed for me :-)  It was that before I got married I had to be settled in my spirit to know that if He never sent me anyone that I would be 100% satisfied with my life with just Jesus and me.  And I told Amy that I felt like most people need to get there, or else they would never really be happy...and then!  My thought was turned around and I said, "Well, you know what, married or not you have to be 100% content with just the relationship you have with you and Jesus." And if you're not you won't be happy.